So in response to
this list, written by John Carney, my brother came up with his own amazing set of tips for living. I guess it's up to you which tips you follow, but try to follow my tip for choosing tips: Don't be stupid, Stupid.
An excerpt from John Carney's Tips (hint: wrong choice, Stupid.)
101 Tips For Living* You should never have to match your socks, other than to separate black from white; buy 18 pairs of identical socks in each color and throw them all out every six months.
* Pants with pleats get cuffs; pants without, do not.
* Carry around those small bottles of hand sanitizer and use some before you eat.
* Business casual was invented to prevent younger people from dressing better than their bosses. Rebel and wear a suit or jeans.
* If you need to put stuff in your hair to add shine or hold, you are washing your hair too often.
* Yes, you do have to floss.
* You will regret your tattoos.
* Time is too short to do your own laundry.
* Learn how to speak before groups.
* An undershirt will prevent you from perspiring through your overshirt.
* Yes, you do have to go to the gym.
* Stop talking about where you went to college.
* When people don’t invite you to parties, you really shouldn’t go.
* Sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.
* When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
* If a book is too big to carry around comfortably, cut it up and carry the pages you can read.
* Yes, you do have to have your shoes shined.
* Do thirty-push ups before you shower each morning.
* Eat brunch with friends every other weekend.
* Be a regular at a bar. * Learn how to fly-fish.
* Ask for a salad instead of fries.
* Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them. Ask someone for an introduction.
* You cannot always make amends with people.
* Buy furniture that you think is too small for your apartment. It isn’t.
* Cobblers will save your shoes.
* Figure out what kind of knot you like in your ties and stick with it.
* The first round of drinks is on you.
* When a bartender buys you a round, tip double.
* Hang your clothes up when you take them off.
* Except sweaters. Those get folded.
* Piercings are liabilities in fights.
* You’ll regret much more the things you didn’t do than the things you did.
* You may remove your jacket and roll up your sleeves. The tie may not be loosened.
* Carry a pocket knife.
* Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.
* Subscribe to a small-circulation magazine.
* After one day of hanging, your tie should be rolled and placed in a drawer.
* People will dance if the music is loud enough and the lights are dim enough. You should too.
* You may only request one song from the DJ.
* Sleep outdoors when you can.
* Your clothes do not match. They go together.
* Yes, you do have to buy her dinner.
* Go to the theater.
* Always bring a bottle of something to the party.
* If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid very loud clubs.
* Drink outdoors.
* Drink during the day.
* Date women outside your social set. You’ll be surprised.
* If it’s got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone.
* You should probably walk away anyway.
* Place-dropping is worse than name dropping.
* The New Yorker is not a high-brow magazine.
Mark's Tips for Living (a.k.a. Nice choice, Kid Awesome!)* Go ahead and pay extra for the good fireworks. It's worth it.
* Gel and other hair products aren't just for your hair. Some of them can totally get you wasted.
* One cool tattoo I thought of: a flaming skeleton riding a Harley on the back of a dragon.
* Don't use your pants as a car shammy, unless that's all you have.
* If you own more than one pair of socks, then you're a big-time snob.
* Yes, you have to shower every other week.
* Life is too short to say hello to people. Just nod and grunt instead.
* If you find yourself inside a dance club, and people are bugging you to dance, just pretend like you don't speak English. Then, when they turn away, try to swipe their wallets.
* Learn how to speak Klingon.
* Instead of fries, ask for chili fries. If they don't have chili fries, throw a hissy fit until they ask you to leave.
* Go to as many illegal hobo fights as you can. Someday the authorities are going to crack down on that.
* When in doubt, tell the girl she smells funny, and ask whether she's been hanging out at a petting zoo or something.
* It's okay to steal gum.
* Do 700 push-ups every morning. If you can't do it the first time, give up.
* Throw out all your furniture and replace it with the inflatable kind. You can clean it with a hose!
* Become a major industrial tycoon somehow.
* Parties are a waste of energy. Save your strength for the pie-eating contest next week.
* Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to walk up to them and be like "Hey girl, you looking fine tonight." And then when they ignore you, just go "Why you trying to play me like that?"
* People often have British accents nowadays. You should too.
* If your TV is too big to carry around, cut it up into little pieces and carry those around with you. Then when you meet a foxy lady, you'll have something to talk about (i.e. why your TV is all wrecked).
* Carry a fanny pack full of hand sanitizer bottles.
* Learn how to become a cobbler. Those guys make BANK.
* Instead of beer in the morning, try drinking half-beer, half-coffee.
* Drink outdoors, and yell at passersby.
* Drink alone.
* Pants are a liability in a fight. Always wear jean shorts.
* Stalk someone different for a change.
* Don't buy a girdle at one of those fancy high-end places. The ones online are just as good.
* Yes, you do have to clean and polish your rifle after every skeet shooting match.
