Friday, September 24, 2010
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Winnie Cooper actress Danica McKellar had a baby this month. She named him Draco. DRACO! Then my mind exploded. Out my ears. And then I had no mind. And that is how the circle of life functions.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Spicy Chicken Sandwich
I used to not believe in marriage. I thought that human beings were biologically not meant to be monogamous and that I, specifically, was meant to roam as a lone wolf, an awkward solo act.
And then I got married, and my husband brought me Wendy's for dinner after I spent all day napping. I love love.
And then I got married, and my husband brought me Wendy's for dinner after I spent all day napping. I love love.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Sunday, July 04, 2010
IMPORTANT and CONSTRUCTIVE revelations about food
I keep reading blog post by actual writers, who are far better equipped than me to observe the world and decide things and opine. Sorry again, guys, but this post is about my appetite whims.
I'm still in my frogurt phase, and I'm proud to report that my now-full-time mate, a person known to the Professor and her students as Boots, has hopped on the probiotic train with me.
Two years ago, my phase was carne asada fry-centric. I just could not get enough of those meat, guac, and cheese covered potatoes. Even as I type this, vestiges of my late-night romance with Juanita's, Fili's, Chili Pepper, ignite within me. (do vestiges ignite? i told you i was poorly equipped for this.)
Luckily, my sleepy hometown of Encinitas is on to me. They know the Prof. They anticipate me. When my tastebuds migrated from the sodium end of the food continuum to the lactose end, they started a little renovation project on old Highway 101. And now, right in between Raul's Taco Shop and Filiberto's Taco Shop, there lies Berry Happy, haven of self-serve frogurt and toppings, ready to fulfill my needs until my on-again off-again relationship with Carne Asada fries is once again ON. (I predict September?)
Thesis Statement tailored almost entirely to LVN specs: If they were to make a "Californian Frozen Yogurt" by, say, adding guacamole and potatoes to it, I would probably be into it.
I'm still in my frogurt phase, and I'm proud to report that my now-full-time mate, a person known to the Professor and her students as Boots, has hopped on the probiotic train with me.
Two years ago, my phase was carne asada fry-centric. I just could not get enough of those meat, guac, and cheese covered potatoes. Even as I type this, vestiges of my late-night romance with Juanita's, Fili's, Chili Pepper, ignite within me. (do vestiges ignite? i told you i was poorly equipped for this.)
Luckily, my sleepy hometown of Encinitas is on to me. They know the Prof. They anticipate me. When my tastebuds migrated from the sodium end of the food continuum to the lactose end, they started a little renovation project on old Highway 101. And now, right in between Raul's Taco Shop and Filiberto's Taco Shop, there lies Berry Happy, haven of self-serve frogurt and toppings, ready to fulfill my needs until my on-again off-again relationship with Carne Asada fries is once again ON. (I predict September?)
Thesis Statement tailored almost entirely to LVN specs: If they were to make a "Californian Frozen Yogurt" by, say, adding guacamole and potatoes to it, I would probably be into it.
Friday, June 25, 2010
On insomnia
In less than 40 hours now, I'm attending my own wedding. Spoiler alert, guys: I do.
Post Script: a cake can never ever have too many leches.
Post Script: a cake can never ever have too many leches.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Lesson Learned, People
So, a few months ago, my bro and LVN and yours truly all came up with a plan to use the plot from Back to the Future II: No Subtitle Necessary in order to make our millions without having to put forth all kinds of yucky effort. Well, news of our plans has gotten around, and the bigwigs at ABC Family aired the poorly edited version of BTTF2 today as a kind of message. And let me tell you, message received loud and clear. You guys, the one thing we didn't think of was the paradox we would create if the descendant of our arch-nemesis somehow got wind of our plans and access to our time machine and went back to squeal to his ancestor. We were so blind!
Also, and this may be the after-effects of eating two dinners last night, but I think Back to the Future II was sort of the Nostradamus of 1989. Bear with me, y'all. If you're only looking at the surface, they really got so few things right that it's more of a projection of 1991 than 2015, as it is supposed to be. Everything is neon and spandex, the only non-score music that you hear is Michael Jackson's Beat It being played in an 80's themed cafe, people ride around on skateboards (that happen to hover), wear hightops, and drive vaguely more streamlined Chevys that float around about a foot off the asphalt.
Probably the most noticeable actual differences between now (2010, so kinda close to 2015 really) and 1985 (confusingly the setting of the movie which was actually made in 1989) are smart phones and the internet. Everybody owns at least one personal computer (which seems like a really quaint term to refer to something like an ipad...), people listen to mp3s, and are never without their "phone" (another antiquated term. it feels like i'm referring to a copy as a 'ditto' here). The makers of this movie were in such a small creative box that the only futuristic thing they could think of was that all transportation should take place 12 inches higher than it currently does. Oh, and communication happens on 48-inch pull-down projector screens (already existed in 1989) and via 6 fax machines per room (1/6 of which was already happening in 1989). The movie moguls should have totally consulted the then-8-year-old Professa' before moving forward on filming. Even Zach Morris had a (behemoth) cell phone by 1989. You are in serious trouble when Saved by the Bell shows more foresight than you.
But when you are coastin' on a double-dinner hangover, you don't just look at the surface of an epic like the Back to the Future Trilogy. If we just looked at the surface of Nostradamus's Prophecies, we woulda been like "oh look, this nutjob wrote a quatrain. that's freakin' adorable." And then where would we have been? No, instead we analyzed and interpreted, and 12 hours after it was too late, we were all like, "Billy Mays is going to die of head trauma! Forsooth! It has been told!"
And thus, we must apply the same wisdom to this movie, NAY...documentary.
The filmmakers were not that shortsighted after all. For all the money we've poured into researching alternate fuel sources and public transportation and energy conservation, what have we come up with? The ecological equivalent of cars that float a foot off the ground. Point, Zemeckis.
As embarrassed as we all claim to be of 80's and early 90's popular fashions, what's in style now? aviator RayBans and rad neon leggings. even shoulder pads have slid right past the noses of the editors at Vogue a time or two.
Touche, Zemeckis!
As for internet, hallmark of the future (present), how much different really is email from a room equipped with 6 fax machines? Pretty good one, Zemeckis.
And the final Prophetic symbol, the grand-McFlys all sit around the dinner table, eating their rehydrated pizza, chatting on their video-phone glasses...or you might say, their "eye"phones. IPHONES, PEOPLE!! ZEMECKIS PREDICTED THE TOTAL DOMINATION OF THE IPHONE! ZZZZEEEEMMMMEEEEECCCCKKKKIIIIISSSS!!!!!
Whoa.
Watching this movie on ABC Family meant that every fifteen minutes I was assaulted by iCarly and Secret Life of the American Teenager previews, and this may also have contributed to the deeper enjoyment I drew from the film. Rather than the actual present-day (where sixteen year old girls are paid millions to star in low-quality shows that attract millions of tween fans, then they use their millions to buy progressively shorter shorts until they inevitably release a hit cd, then they make the career switch at seventeen to "producing" so that they can be replaced by the next girl in the cycle), the movie depicts an anachronistic Present-Day Lite, where Pepsi is now called Pepsi Perfect, and we no longer have to waste precious energy putting on our shoes, because our hightops have PowerLaces. Plus, Michael Jackson should be the only artist played in public places. And you'd never see Elisabeth Shue trying to release a pop album. She's a lady.
Thesis Statement: Don't even bother with Back to the Future 3. You'll thank me later. It is basically just a Prophecy that Wild West and the Quick and the Dead should ALSO not have been made into movies. Don't ignore Prophecies, people.
Supporting Afterthought: Save those double dinner opportunities for special occasions and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban marathons, also strangely on ABC Family.
Also, and this may be the after-effects of eating two dinners last night, but I think Back to the Future II was sort of the Nostradamus of 1989. Bear with me, y'all. If you're only looking at the surface, they really got so few things right that it's more of a projection of 1991 than 2015, as it is supposed to be. Everything is neon and spandex, the only non-score music that you hear is Michael Jackson's Beat It being played in an 80's themed cafe, people ride around on skateboards (that happen to hover), wear hightops, and drive vaguely more streamlined Chevys that float around about a foot off the asphalt.
Probably the most noticeable actual differences between now (2010, so kinda close to 2015 really) and 1985 (confusingly the setting of the movie which was actually made in 1989) are smart phones and the internet. Everybody owns at least one personal computer (which seems like a really quaint term to refer to something like an ipad...), people listen to mp3s, and are never without their "phone" (another antiquated term. it feels like i'm referring to a copy as a 'ditto' here). The makers of this movie were in such a small creative box that the only futuristic thing they could think of was that all transportation should take place 12 inches higher than it currently does. Oh, and communication happens on 48-inch pull-down projector screens (already existed in 1989) and via 6 fax machines per room (1/6 of which was already happening in 1989). The movie moguls should have totally consulted the then-8-year-old Professa' before moving forward on filming. Even Zach Morris had a (behemoth) cell phone by 1989. You are in serious trouble when Saved by the Bell shows more foresight than you.
But when you are coastin' on a double-dinner hangover, you don't just look at the surface of an epic like the Back to the Future Trilogy. If we just looked at the surface of Nostradamus's Prophecies, we woulda been like "oh look, this nutjob wrote a quatrain. that's freakin' adorable." And then where would we have been? No, instead we analyzed and interpreted, and 12 hours after it was too late, we were all like, "Billy Mays is going to die of head trauma! Forsooth! It has been told!"
And thus, we must apply the same wisdom to this movie, NAY...documentary.
The filmmakers were not that shortsighted after all. For all the money we've poured into researching alternate fuel sources and public transportation and energy conservation, what have we come up with? The ecological equivalent of cars that float a foot off the ground. Point, Zemeckis.
As embarrassed as we all claim to be of 80's and early 90's popular fashions, what's in style now? aviator RayBans and rad neon leggings. even shoulder pads have slid right past the noses of the editors at Vogue a time or two.
Touche, Zemeckis!
As for internet, hallmark of the future (present), how much different really is email from a room equipped with 6 fax machines? Pretty good one, Zemeckis.
And the final Prophetic symbol, the grand-McFlys all sit around the dinner table, eating their rehydrated pizza, chatting on their video-phone glasses...or you might say, their "eye"phones. IPHONES, PEOPLE!! ZEMECKIS PREDICTED THE TOTAL DOMINATION OF THE IPHONE! ZZZZEEEEMMMMEEEEECCCCKKKKIIIIISSSS!!!!!
Whoa.
Watching this movie on ABC Family meant that every fifteen minutes I was assaulted by iCarly and Secret Life of the American Teenager previews, and this may also have contributed to the deeper enjoyment I drew from the film. Rather than the actual present-day (where sixteen year old girls are paid millions to star in low-quality shows that attract millions of tween fans, then they use their millions to buy progressively shorter shorts until they inevitably release a hit cd, then they make the career switch at seventeen to "producing" so that they can be replaced by the next girl in the cycle), the movie depicts an anachronistic Present-Day Lite, where Pepsi is now called Pepsi Perfect, and we no longer have to waste precious energy putting on our shoes, because our hightops have PowerLaces. Plus, Michael Jackson should be the only artist played in public places. And you'd never see Elisabeth Shue trying to release a pop album. She's a lady.
Thesis Statement: Don't even bother with Back to the Future 3. You'll thank me later. It is basically just a Prophecy that Wild West and the Quick and the Dead should ALSO not have been made into movies. Don't ignore Prophecies, people.
Supporting Afterthought: Save those double dinner opportunities for special occasions and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban marathons, also strangely on ABC Family.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
7 more ways in which I be awesome
1. I candied some kumquats. by myself! it's startlingly easy, but only if you're "in the know". if you're like me, and you have all kinds of important hypotheses to ponder and all sorts of important magazines to read, the idea of turning fruit into fruit-flavored and fruit-shaped candy is just next-level. but i did it. i am like the rumpelstiltskin of citrus.
2. I ate 16 ounces of frozen yogurt today. Yesterday, I went to Swirls, in Encinitas, which is where I generally stop during my 30 minute commute because they have two locations between work and home. North County city planners anticipated that I would never be able to complete a 30 minute drive sans frogurt. geniuses. At Swirls, I fill their smallest cup with my ultra-secret incidentally-probiotic concoction, and it weighs in on the scale at around 8 oz. Today, I went to Tutti Frutti. At Tutti Frutti (the closest possible frogurt purveyor to Casa de Profesora) the smallest cup is a styrofoam bucket. When you put it on the scale, they let you hazard a guess. If you are within a tenth of an ounce, you win...something. I am no frogurt novice, you guys. I thought for sure I had 10, 11 ounces tops. But no. Just great, you guys. Now I have a new personal record to beat.
3. My wedding dress is a size two. My sharing that number is not meant as bragging. My body is certainly not a size two. And, no, I did not purposefully buy a dress that was several sizes too small to encourage myself to lose weight. I watch TLC, I know the drill. It's just that my ...fun-sized budget did not allow me to pay for a wedding dress what most stores charge for a wedding dress. And if you've never stared into the abyss of the wedding industry, let me give you a little textual looky-loo: a floor-length, strapless silk dress in, say, a nice cobalt blue, would probably run you around $150-250, depending on brand and store and quality and so forth. a floor-length, strapless silk dress in any of about sixty shades of white or cream will cost you a minimum of $1200. So, short story all drawn out, I bought my dress on ebay. It only came in that size. So that's the size I figured, for $1000 in savings, that I could be. My wedding dress is a size two. There are 15 days until my wedding. I have eaten an average of 9.1 ounces of frozen yogurt per day this week. Do the math. I = awesome.
4. I now have a portrait of Michael Jackson hanging directly above my mantel.
Never has the fireplace looked SO DAMN HOT!
5. I spent a significant fraction of my day off today thinking about how cute my cats are. Conclusion: Subtly. They are subtly cute. It really sneaks up on you.
6. I updated my blog. I predict that this will be my greatest achievement until February 2012, when I pass the Bar on my second attempt, after inevitably mucking it up next July.
7. In 15 days, I will walk down the aisle to Man in the Mirror. Gonna make that change. Finally, I will be Ms. Professor Jenny Day. Just like I've always dreamed.
2. I ate 16 ounces of frozen yogurt today. Yesterday, I went to Swirls, in Encinitas, which is where I generally stop during my 30 minute commute because they have two locations between work and home. North County city planners anticipated that I would never be able to complete a 30 minute drive sans frogurt. geniuses. At Swirls, I fill their smallest cup with my ultra-secret incidentally-probiotic concoction, and it weighs in on the scale at around 8 oz. Today, I went to Tutti Frutti. At Tutti Frutti (the closest possible frogurt purveyor to Casa de Profesora) the smallest cup is a styrofoam bucket. When you put it on the scale, they let you hazard a guess. If you are within a tenth of an ounce, you win...something. I am no frogurt novice, you guys. I thought for sure I had 10, 11 ounces tops. But no. Just great, you guys. Now I have a new personal record to beat.
3. My wedding dress is a size two. My sharing that number is not meant as bragging. My body is certainly not a size two. And, no, I did not purposefully buy a dress that was several sizes too small to encourage myself to lose weight. I watch TLC, I know the drill. It's just that my ...fun-sized budget did not allow me to pay for a wedding dress what most stores charge for a wedding dress. And if you've never stared into the abyss of the wedding industry, let me give you a little textual looky-loo: a floor-length, strapless silk dress in, say, a nice cobalt blue, would probably run you around $150-250, depending on brand and store and quality and so forth. a floor-length, strapless silk dress in any of about sixty shades of white or cream will cost you a minimum of $1200. So, short story all drawn out, I bought my dress on ebay. It only came in that size. So that's the size I figured, for $1000 in savings, that I could be. My wedding dress is a size two. There are 15 days until my wedding. I have eaten an average of 9.1 ounces of frozen yogurt per day this week. Do the math. I = awesome.
4. I now have a portrait of Michael Jackson hanging directly above my mantel.
Never has the fireplace looked SO DAMN HOT!
5. I spent a significant fraction of my day off today thinking about how cute my cats are. Conclusion: Subtly. They are subtly cute. It really sneaks up on you.
6. I updated my blog. I predict that this will be my greatest achievement until February 2012, when I pass the Bar on my second attempt, after inevitably mucking it up next July.
7. In 15 days, I will walk down the aisle to Man in the Mirror. Gonna make that change. Finally, I will be Ms. Professor Jenny Day. Just like I've always dreamed.
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